Burgulars and 12 pack motivators

I was just thinking about how I would react if we had a burglar, would I be a pussy bitch and throw Chelsea out of the loft to fend him off while I hid under the covers? Or would I rely on my cat to rub on him to pet her and then wait patiently by her food dish. Which no one can resist stopping to feed her when she does that.
I would hope, I would turn into a angry black lady and say things like " ohh no you didn't" and grab a rolling pin.

Or maybe I would summon the power of Pete Johnson.

In order to get enough pure rage to fend off the invader, I would have to imagine crazy scenarios, like say for instance I go into the grocery store, say on a Saturday afternoon and I see some delicious beer. I (being pete) look down and see $9.99, think to myself,seems like a good deal. If it was 12.99 forget it. I throw it in the cart. I know what I am doing. fast forward to the drive home.
My daughter is reading off the list "2.89 for fruit loops", "3.49 for my vagisil", "12.99 for 12 pack of beer". DAMMIT!!! THATS IT RIGHT THERE, PAYING 3 EXTRA DOLLARS ON A 12ver. Beacause thats how the man gets you, just waits for the stu nods to come into the store.....
yea, yea that's it, I would kick that burglars ass now, now I am pissed. The Hulk ain't got nothing on Pete Johnson and getting ripped off on beer.

Just for reassurance I googled "most likely burglar" I got this:
, which is basically what I imagined.
I could kick this guys ass. I will sleep good now google knows everything.